S.H.M.I.L.Y.

You: Shy guy in the corner,
Hands shoved in denim pockets,
Cerulean eyes, furrowed brows,
Shoulders squared, quiet strength.
In self-built walls ensconced.

Me: Brazen girl across the room,
Seemingly without a care,
Mischievous smile, loud laugh,
Hand touching an errant mane,
Trapped in an image of an ideal life.

"Is that a freckle on your lip, or is it drawn on?"
And with those words, two different worlds
Were exposed to be one and the same.
Yes, I did see.
I saw how much you loved me.


I loved your gap-toothed smile, your crinkly-cornered eyes,
How the top of my head should've reached your shoulders, but not quite.
I loved hearing you hum, sometimes in tune and sometimes, out.
I loved your laughter, the genuine one, that started from your toes
and ended in your throat.
I loved your block handwriting, and your disregard for spelling rules.
I loved how your green sweater smelled like you..Acqua di Gio.
I loved you, even if you weren't the guy from my dreams, or Hector, or
C.S. Lewis.
Take them all away, I'd have loved you still.
Beyond the attributes, you're still you,
And can't you see?
See how much I loved you?

You let me be who I really am
Behind this mask, beneath this shield:
Quiet girl, playing dress-up in theatre'sborrowedbravado.
I was a lead actress, playing a coveted role: outgoing, carefree, and friendly.
Yet each time the curtain fell, it was silence I feared.
But there you always stood, behind the stage, neck craned down to meet my gaze.
In your arms, you made it okay for me to step back and be the
understudy I longed to be.

What would've it been like to have met life's deadlines?
Picket fence, house on a cliff,
Bear your name, raise your child,
Hand-in-hand, side-by-side in rocking chairs,
Watching the wings of dawn
Stretch across the horizon.
Would I still have needed to ask if you could see,
See how much I loved you?

I'll never have that happily ever with you,
Or ride off into the sunset (maybe with another man, only time will tell).
Still, given the chance to go back in time,
Each moment would remain unaltered and each tear would remain cried in my hands.
Yes, I am slowly moving on past yesterday
But wherever you may be
I want you to always see

See how much I loved you.