Showing posts with label women's issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women's issues. Show all posts

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I have a dream that one day, all women will realize that their worth does not fluctuate along with their weight.

They're trained doctors whose parents are distinguished writers - yet for 20 years these identical twins have competed with each other in the most disturbing way imaginable

By Jill Foster
Last updated at 12:49 PM on 16th June 2011


Twins Maria and Katy Campbell were only 11 when they overheard a snippet of conversation between their parents which, they claim, was to change their lives for ever.

Maria recalls: ‘We were standing at the top of the stairs and heard our Dad remark: “Gosh, those girls are becoming young women, aren’t they? They’re getting hips.” ’

To most people, it’s the kind of harmless remark that an observant father might make about his pre-teen daughters. But for Maria and Katy, who are the identical daughters of distinguished writers, it triggered a sinister pact that would haunt the family for more than two decades.

Source
‘We were incensed by Dad’s remark,’ says Katy, now 33 and, like her twin, a qualified doctor. ‘I remember screaming at him: “I’m never going to start my periods!”

‘We decided that day that if we stopped eating, we would lose our “hips”. I wanted to punish him and Mum — and I suppose that’s what we’ve both been doing ever since.’

Who can really tell what goes on in the muddled and duplicitous minds of anorexics? But the awful reality is that, thanks to their desire to ‘punish’ their parents, Maria and Katy have destroyed the past 20 years of their lives — and may never recover.

‘It’s like having a ball and chain around my ankle that I can’t throw off,’ says Maria. ‘I’m so consumed by what I’m eating, how many calories I’m burning, what I’ll weigh tomorrow and what I weigh today. It’s an obsession.’An obsession that could kill them both.

Even now, with preternaturally childish bodies and voices, the young women admit they struggle to make sense of what has happened to their lives.

To the utter despair of their parents — 58-year-old Christy and his wife Clare, 56 — the twins have spent most of their teenage and adult life in and out of various recovery clinics.

Source
Today, the twins will be hospitalised again for several months — only this time, they say, they are determined to beat the disease.

‘It’s got to the point where Katy and I are absolutely sick of the situation,’ says Maria, who is 5ft 5in and weighs just under 6st.

‘I’ve lost everything due to this illness. I’ve lost my life, my house, my hair, my job, everything … and I’m absolutely sick of it.’

Katy, who is the same height but whose weight teeters dangerously under 5st, agrees. ‘I can’t walk any more. My back hurts, my heartbeat is irregular, I’ve got osteoporosis, chronic gastric pain and pancreatitis. I’m on diuretics because my kidneys don’t work.

‘The recovery clinic is the worst place possible, and I feel like I’ve been sentenced to Holloway Prison. I’ve got so much fear in my belly that I’ve stopped sleeping for the past two weeks.

‘But this is going to be the last time. I have to get better.’

In Britain, one in 100 women aged between 15 and 30 suffers from anorexia and it is most likely to strike in the mid-teens. 

Source
The causes are unknown, but experts believe it could be a result of genetic predisposition and a chemical imbalance in the brain, as well as emotional and psychological issues.

The strange thing is that both women maintain that their childhood in a lovely detached family home in Wandsworth, South London, was idyllic.

‘We were very happy little children and got on brilliantly with Mum and Dad,’ says Katy. ‘Our brother Joe, now 14, came along after we’d left home. But while we were there, we had lots of friends and lots of fun.’

But as the girls approached puberty, they became introspective and depressed, and the transition from state primary to a private secondary school in Streatham, South London, proved problematic. The girls felt intimidated by the other girls and their teachers, who they felt looked down on them for coming from a state school.

‘At secondary school, at 11, we were all weighed in PE class,’ recalls Katy. ‘There was another set of identical twins who weighed less than us. They were prettier and popular, and Maria and I felt insecure.’

‘Katy and I also began to resent Mum because she was so slim,’ says Maria. ‘We looked up to her as a role model and felt we came up short.’

Katy continues: ‘At primary school, we’d had a friend who had lost a lot of weight. She was anorexic at nine, so we knew a little about the illness. 

‘For some reason, instead of feeling repulsed by the illness, it held a weird attraction for us — and when we saw those thinner twins, we wanted to be like them and our mother.

‘Maria started keeping a food diary and would jot down everything we ate, our weight and how much exercise we’d done. We started skipping breakfast and exercising fanatically, doing 50 lengths of the pool in the morning and gymnastics after school.

Source
‘We weren’t vomiting, just exercising a lot, but we never even felt faint. In fact, when we were losing weight so quickly, we got an incredible adrenaline high that made us want to lose even more.’

This pact saw the girls’ weight drop by more than a stone in 12 months. 

 ‘We had a system where we’d starve ourselves for six days, only eating 400 calories precisely a day — ten pieces of pic ’n’ mix, an orange, a banana and a diet cola,’ says Katy. ‘Then, on the final day, we’d eat anything and everything we could get our hands on — bread, pasta, crisps, cakes.’

Maria adds: ‘At home, we would hide what was happening from Mum and Dad by putting our food behind radiators, in drawers, in our piano. Then, when we weren’t being watched, we’d simply throw it in the bin.

‘When we were 15, Mum noticed we were losing weight, but we brushed her off. She began to sit with us during supper — but one of us would distract her while the other put food up their sleeves.’

Katy says: ‘Mum’s admitted she feels guilty for not doing more to help us — but there was nothing she could have done. We were obsessed with being thin.
‘Now, of course, we both feel dreadful for all the suffering that we’ve put our family through. It’s just that this pernicious illness affects everything, and when you’re obsessed, you don’t care what other people think.’

By 16, the twins’ periods still hadn’t started. Maria says: ‘Even now, neither of us has ever had a period. Doctors said we had to put on weight if we were not going to damage our fertility — but it went in one ear and out the other.’

Despite the illness, both girls gained excellent grades at GCSE and A-level and were accepted into medical school at the Royal Free Hospital in London. 
‘Our parents never put any pressure on us to succeed academically, but I think the fact that Daddy had been to Oxford meant that, subconsciously, we felt that pressure anyway,’ says Katy.

Six months into the courses, their tutors realised something was wrong.
Maria explains: ‘We were having just one cup of coffee and a packet of chocolate buttons a day, and Katy had lost a lot of weight. So we were called in and told that she would have to go to hospital to recover. 

‘I remember one of the doctors saying they had noticed I had lost weight, too, but that my weight loss wasn’t quite as bad as Katy’s.

‘Rather than be relieved, I thought: “No one is going to say that Katy is better than me at something.” It was a trigger for me losing another 2st.’

Because of this deadly competitive streak, the girls were sent to different hospitals in London in the hope they would not be able to encourage each other’s weight loss.

‘We were force-fed 3,000 calories a day through tubes,’ says Maria. ‘We were not allowed any contact with each other, but we got around that by writing letters under pseudonyms and getting friends to pass them on. We also managed to get hold of mobile phones and hid them in cupboards.

‘It was the first time I had been apart from Katy and we were both in pieces. It’s hard enough being forced to eat, but I hated being without my sister.
‘I felt as though I was betraying her by eating. I worried that she wasn’t eating and was getting worse, but equally worried that she was eating and I was going to be left behind.

‘I vomited in secret and hid food from staff. After three months, when I discharged myself, I’d actually lost weight.’

Meanwhile, Katy had put on half a stone, but once out of the clinic, she reverted to her old eating habits.

Incredibly, they both graduated from medical school in 2009 and are now qualified doctors. 

While Katy has never had a job — a fact that she describes as ‘mortifying’ — Maria left her first job as a doctor in a care home after six months.

They now share a flat in Finchley, North London, and their parents support them — though it is clear from their sparse living arrangements that money is tight.
So what of their future? And of relationships with men?

‘Neither of us has ever had a boyfriend,’ says Maria. ‘The illness has always got in the way.

‘We’ve never had the opportunity to go out and meet men, let alone date them. It’s something that both Katy and I are very sad about.’

Katy adds: ‘I’d really like to have a baby, but I’ve no idea if it’s possible. Some doctors say it might be possible if I get to a healthy weight; others say I may have ruined my fertility.’

Her sister shares the same hope: ‘I want children. The doctors say that if I can get my BMI (body mass index) up to 20, then it may be possible — but I’m only at 12 at the moment.

‘I want a husband. I want fertility. I want my bones and my hair — and it’s not too late. I know people who are still ill with this horrible disease in their 50s, and I’m determined that will not be me. I am 100 per cent ready to change this time.’

One can only hope that this time they succeed.




Tuesday, November 30, 2010

TEN THINGS MEN CAN DO TO PREVENT GENDER VIOLENCE

Source


  • Approach gender violence as a MEN'S issue involving men of all ages and socioeconomic, racial and ethnic backgrounds. View men not only as perpetrators or possible offenders, but as empowered bystanders who can confront abusive peers. 

  • If  a brother, friend, classmate, or teammate is abusing his female partner -- or is disrespectful or abusive to girls and women in general -- don't look the other way. If you feel comfortable doing so, try to talk to him about it. Urge him to seek help. Or if you don't know what to do, consult a friend, a parent, a professor, or a counselor. DON'T REMAIN SILENT.

  • Have the courage to look inward. Question your own attitudes. Don't be defensive when something you do or say ends up hurting someone else. Try hard to understand how your own attitudes and actions might inadvertently perpetuate sexism and violence, and work toward changing them.

  • If you suspect that a woman close to you is being abused or has been sexually assaulted, gently ask if you can help.

  • If you are emotionally, psychologically, physically, or sexually abusive to women, or have been in the past, seek professional help NOW.

  • Be an ally to women who are working to end all forms of gender violence. Support the work of campus-based women's centers. Attend "Take Back the Night" rallies and other public events. Raise money for community-based rape crisis centers and battered women's shelters. If you belong to a team or fraternity, or another student group, organize a fundraiser.

  • Recognize and speak out against homophobia and gay-bashing. Discrimination and violence against lesbians and gays are wrong in and of themselves. This abuse also has direct links to sexism (eg. the sexual orientation of men who speak out against sexism is often questioned, a conscious or unconscious strategy intended to silence them. This is a key reason few men do so).

  • Attend programs, take courses, watch films, and read articles and books about multicultural masculinities, gender inequality, and the root causes of gender violence.  Educate yourself and others about how larger social forces affect the conflicts between individual men and women.

  • Don't fund sexism. Refuse to purchase any magazine, rent any video, subscribe to any Web site, or buy any music that portrays girls or women in a sexually degrading or abusive manner. Protest sexism in the media.

  • Mentor and teach young boys about how to be men in ways that don't involve degrading or abusing girls and women. Volunteer to work with gender violence prevention programs, including anti-sexist men's programs. Lead by example.





Copyright 1999, Jackson Katz. www.jacksonkatz.com
Reprint freely with credit.



Monday, January 11, 2010

In This Skin: A Reclamation


I have a story to tell, silently and without words: 
'Tis a map laid bare
past drapes of fabric
and layers of armour
and bandages.
Can I trust you
to see past the curves and twists and turns,
the zigzags and crisscrosses invisible
but defining?
Beneath both smooth, unblemished surface
and raised, jagged scar tissue,
dark shadows and fiery bursts of colours mark my skin.
Tattooes etched by
nameless and faceless
artists' hands bring into being
what I cannot say:
This imperfect body is far from beautiful,
but there can be beauty in ugliness
so long as you listen to the story it has to tell.


I am a survivor.






Friday, January 8, 2010

Tessa Savicki: An Intersection of Reproductive Rights and the Inefficacy of the Welfare System



There has been much uproar in MA about a woman named Tessa Savicki who is suing  Baystate Medical Center, 3 doctors, and 2 nurses for allegedly  permanently sterilizing  her against her will after the birth of her  9th son in 2006.  In the suit, she claims that she had signed a consent form for an IUD, but instead awoke to find out she had undergone a sterilization process called a tubal ligation. 

In this linked Boston Herald article, journalist Jessica Flagen writes:

This is the second time Savicki has sued over reproductive issues. In 2001, she reached a settlement with CVS and a spermicide company after she became pregnant with her now 12-year-old daughter after claiming she bought and used an expired spermicide, according to federal court documents.

Savicki has nine children from several men, is unemployed and relies on public assistance for two of the four children who live with her. She receives supplemental security income, or SSI, for a disability, non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, she said. Her mother has custody of three of her children.


Despite the fact that I would not have an abortion under any circumstance, as a woman I support reproductive choice. Choice, of course, being the operative word. The allegation of Ms. Savicki's right to choose being taken away raises serious concerns about the state of human rights in this country. Our bodies are our own; they are not our family's, our community's, our country's, and especially not our politicians to politicize for career gain. Our bodies and what we do we it are personal issues and nobody else's business.

That being said, I also understand some concerns about Ms. Savicki's  clear inability to provide a stable, healthy environment for her children. While I believe that the welfare system helps those who deservedly need it, I also believe that because the system is inherently flawed, it has been abused to the benefit of a few bad apples. Being in the welfare system has become an inheritance of sorts for some, wherein generations of the same family live off of it. This cyclical welfare dependency burdens an already floundering system, and encourages a sense of entitlement over self-reliance and accountability. The welfare system can only be effective when enacted short-term, but detrimental in the long run. The system must be changed so that people such as Ms. Savicki do not go around receiving benefits, unchecked. More stringent guidelines and limitations, as well as periodic and exhaustive reviews, must be implemented. In so doing, more jobs would be created for the understaffed and overworked social workers. As a taxpayer, I would much rather see my money go to funding more jobs to weed out welfare system abusers than go to the aforementioned welfare benefits abusers.


On another issue, I wonder about the fathers of Ms. Savicki's children. Save for her current fiancĆ© who she claims has been helping to support her, there is no mention of Ms. Savicki's former boyfriends. What role, if any, do they play in their children's lives? From the articles, it could be inferred that these sperm donors, like Ms. Savicki, choose not to be accountable for their choices and decisions in life. If they are not paying alimony, it is unfair for the responsible members of society to take up their slack. Of course the children are innocent and should not be penalized for the sins of their parents; what I am saying is that these men and Ms. Savicki ought to find gainful employment and contribute to the  financial and mental well-being of their children. Yes, the unemployment rate is high given the economic crisis, but minimum wage jobs do exist. There is no shame in working the night shift at CVS or the nearby 24 hour McDonald's. So I wonder if it is an issue of not wanting to be employed and instead choosing to live off of the system because they  feel like they are entitled to it. Welfare is a form of aid and not a gift; it is intended as a crutch to help people rise from their disadvantaged circumstances and better themselves.






At the end of the day, I view Tessa Savicki's case as more than your average controversy. Her
story is about an intersection of violations on different levels: the possible violation of a woman's body and her right to choose, a man's  disregard for his responsibility to his children at the cost of taxpayers' money, and the abuse of an already weak welfare system. A
change must be enacted in the system itself to dissuade system abusers and would-be abusers. 

We must never permit the voice of humanity
within us to be silenced. It is Man's sympathy with all creatures that first makes him a Man.

--Albert Schweitzer

Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.


--Viktor E. Frankl