30 Day Challenge, Day 10: Songs you listen to when you're happy, sad, bored, hyped and mad

HAPPY




SAD







BORED




HYPED



MAD




 

30 Day Challenge, Day 9: Something that you're proud of in the past few days

I've always been proud of my momma, but these days I am absolutely beaming with pride. See, her childhood dream had always been to teach little kids. She was actually a teacher, but then I was born and my da told her to stay at home to raise me. She never stopped teaching, though. She was my first teacher, after all. She taught me how to read and write by the time I was three years old, and was the reason why I tested into first grade level when I was in kindergarten. (Momma decided against letting me skip grades; she wanted me to be with kids my own age.) 


Anyway. She's back in school now, starting over with the end goal of getting a Master's in Education. Momma's retired now, and instead of spending her retirement playing golf or singing karaoke all day, she's hitting the books. She's doing really well, too; her grades are in the B+/A- range!

30 Day Challenge, Day 8: Short term goals for the next month and why

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Before art, linguistics, politics, womanism and social activism, writing was my first love. My momma loves to tell the story of how, when I was about three, I became so curious and jealous of her signing credit card receipts that I insisted that she teach me how to write my name as well. By age five I wrote little poems, and by seven I was so sad about Bambi's mom's death that I re-wrote Bambi to have a happy ending with her playing with her grandchildren.Simply put, writing was my world.

But then life sort of got in the way. It was during my uni years when writing began to lose its magic, its wonder. Writing term papers on political economy and Sharia Law became the norm and before I knew it, I barely had time to write for myself. Later on, I wrote grant proposals and reports on gender violence, genocide and war. Writing became something I had to do. Because it became an obligation, I avoided writing during my free time. I created art. I hiked. I wrote e-mails. I scheduled "Quote of the Week" posts for this blog. But I didn't write for the sake of writing.


I would like to re-claim the magic I felt as a three-year-old, which is why I'm joining NaNoWriMo , which stands for National Novel Writing Month. Every year in November, participants are given the task of writing at least 50,000 words. There are no "winners" per se; you get kudos for completing it. It will certainly be an interesting time, and I hope I can complete this task.

30 Day Challenge, Day 7: A picture of something or someone that has made a big impact on you

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Her name is Sharbat Gula, and she is the face and name behind the haunting National Geographic cover. I was six  years old when, being the snoop that I am, I came across my da's old collection of iconic magazine covers. I asked my da, "Why is she so sad? She would be so beautiful if she smiled." My da looked at me sadly and said, "Well, darlin', she looks sad because she and her family lost her home because of war." I naively suggested that we should send her some of my toys, and maybe half my piggy bank so she and her family could find an apartment.


Da looked at me strangely--I remember thinking he looked like he was holding back tears--as he explained to me that while it was sweet that I wanted to help, this little girl and her family were probably already dead. He tried as best he could to explain war, displacement and starvation to a 6-year-old girl. I remember crying myself to sleep that night. "Dead" was a concept I'd yet to understand. To me "death" was like sleeping, and I wanted so badly for a prince to find this beauty, so she could live again. And maybe, just maybe I'd find her one day and send her my toys. Then this girl with the haunting eyes would smile.


It is because of Sharbat Gula that the seed of humanitarianism was planted inside of me. Through the years I became actively involved with advocacy for survivors of war, genocide, gender violence and honour crimes. More often than not, being in this field has brought me heartache. Some days i feel like I cannot bear to hear one more story of raped women and babies killed in front of their mothers.


But then I remember that in 1999, as my da and i were watching PBS, there was a special that caught both our eyes. It was the search for the girl with the haunting eyes.


Her name is Sharbat Gula.


She didn't die.


She was 30 when they found her again, married with children. And her haunting eyes burnt as bright as ever, telling me to keep the faith. To stay the course in humanitarianism. For her. For her children. And for their children, and many more children in generations to come.


Hope lives.

30 Day Challenge, Day 6: Your favourite superhero and why

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They were my favourite superheroes growing up and to this day, I have a soft spot for them. (Yes, even Kimberly. Especially Kimberly.)

However, if I were to pick my favourite superhero based on why, it would have to be Batman. He wasn’t born an alien with superhuman skills like Kal-El/Superman or as the Chosen One like Buffy. Unlike Kimberly, he wasn’t given a power coin that enabled him to tap into the power of the Pterodactyl and enabled him to command an oversized robot. 

He’s just a regular man who chose to defend and protect people as redemption of sorts.

He chose to be a hero, although reluctant to be labeled as such. There’s darkness in him and yes, quite a few undesirable characteristics like brooding and being a playboy. But despite this darkness, he makes the effort to fight through it so that others may live in light and love. His is a story born from loss and took flight in the wings of vengeance, but ultimately ends in redemption.*

*Christian Bale’s portrayal of Batman is bang on. He’s truly the best actor of my generation.

30 Day Challenge, Day 5: A picture of somewhere you've been to

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ISCHIA, ITALY

30 Day Challenge, Day 4: A habit you wish you didn't have

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Code switching . 

30 Day Challenge, Day 3: A photo of you and your friends

Spring 2009. L-R: Mischief (a.k.a. R), me and my BFF Bliss (a.k.a. J).

30 Day Challenge, Day 1: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Partly to get my 'okole on the blogging groove again and mostly because one of my friends has hounded me on FB to do one of these things, I've decided to hop on the 30 Day Challenge bandwagon. So here goes...

I attempted to go for the "pensive" look, but ended up with "constipated." Duuuuuuude....

1. As the sidebar of this here blog subtly declares, I'm HAPA, or mixed race. The short version is that my da was Hawaiian-American and my mom's of Spanish, Filipino, AmerIndian and Chinese descent, but was born and raised in the Philippines.

2. I can speak 8 languages fluently and about a dozen if you include the languages that I can speak at an intermediate level.

3. Like dear ole Harry Potter, I look like my dad but have my momma's eyes. 

4. When I was a kid, I was afraid of Santa Claus. I always thought the notion of a stranger keeping tabs on whether you were naughty or nice was stalker-y. Then there's the whole sneaking into the house through the chimney. Yeaaaahhhh....

5. I went to a Catholic school almost all of my life, and I constantly got in trouble for saying that Jesus was a zombie because He rose from the dead after 3 days.

6. I also got in trouble for saying Catholics are cannibals with the whole drinking the blood and eating the body of Christ.

7. It's been about 16 years since I last played the mandolin and bandurria, but when I picked up a mandolin at a music store, it was as though no time has passed. I can still play Church songs from memory. 

8. I cannot whistle or snap my fingers.

9. I'm afraid to light a match or a lighter...totally the opposite of a pyromaniac. 

10. In addition to a shoe and bag addiction, I also collect fountain pens, Filofaxes and angel figurines.

11. My hair used to be almost knee-length, but now I'm addicted to short hair. 

12. My momma is one of my best friends.

13. My other bff and I met in Tibetan Buddhism class.

14. My ultimate goal is to start my own non-profit organization that offers livelihood programs and education for honour crime and conflict survivors. 

15. I really, really, really wanna move to Turkey. Like, right now. But realistically, it'll have to wait until at least next year or so.

Privilege

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 A while back one of my favourite bloggers, Istanbul's Stranger, posted a meme on privilege. It's a meme that I'd seen floating around the web for a while. The meme in itself is interesting; if my family and friends were to take it, it would reveal that~95% of them have most--if not all--of these status markers. Growing up, I never really thought of these markers as "privilege''. It's thought-provoking in a way, because as much as I try to fight against entitlement, I may unknowingly hold some myself.

In any case, this meme was developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka from Illinois State University.

Highlighted in red are the sentences that apply to me:

Father went to college

Father finished college (He dropped out 36 credits shy of graduation in order to fight in Viet Nam)

Mother went to college

Mother finished college

Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers

Had more than 50 books in your childhood home

Had more than 500 books in your childhood home

Were read children’s books by a parent

Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18

Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18

Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18

Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs (Scholarship, baby!)
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs

Went to a private school

Went to summer camp

Had a private tutor before you turned 18

Family vacations involved staying at hotels

Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18

There was original art in your house when you were a child

Had a phone in your room before you turned 18

You and your family lived in a single family house

Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home

You had your own room as a child

Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course

Had your own TV in your room in High School

Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College

Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16

Went on a cruise with your family

Went on more than one cruise with your family

Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up

You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

The last marker particularly struck me. It may seem insignificant at first glance, but it's actually so telling. When you live a privileged or even comfortable life, you don't really mind the numbers or the little details. When you struggle, however, you know the little details. You know exactly how much the heating bills cost; even a dollar could throw your budget off. This is a reality for people living paycheck to paycheck or on fixed incomes. 

Have any of you taken this meme? What do you think?

Yo Soy

I am a cuddler.
I am a morning person.
I am an only child. 
I am currently in my pajamas.
I am currently pregnant.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first. 
I bite my nails.
I can be paranoid at times.
I enjoy country music. 
I enjoy smoothies.
I enjoy talking on the phone. 
I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
I have a hidden talent. 
I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl. 
I have all my grandparents.
I have been to another country. 
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
I have or had broken a bone.
I have caller I.D. on my phone. 
I have bathed someone. 
I have changed a diaper. 
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. 
I have had major/minor surgery.
 I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week. 
I have mood swings. 
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I have rejected someone before.
I have seen the television show The O.C.
I have seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy
I like the taste of blood.
I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping. 
I love to shop
I own and use a library card.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time. 

I sleep a lot during the day.
I strongly dislike math. 
I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired. 
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.

Growing Older

Diane Keaton, a woman of graceSource

At a certain age women should learn how to grow older with grace. Enough with the Botox, Latisse, Restylane, whatever -lane! Wrinkles, crows' feet, and other facial lines are so beautiful; they tell the story of the laughter, tears, joys, trials, and triumphs in your life. Why erase the story of you and where you've been?

Rami KashouSource

At a certain age men should stop the delusion that the comb-over hides the patch of sweaty, pinky scalp on top of their heads. Dear Men: If you're really attached to having hair, invest in hair plugs or join Hair Club for Men. Get a wig. Bond with Rogaine, even. However, why don't you just shave it all off? Bald is beautiful and yes, I dare say...sexy (in Rami Kashou's case).

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When I was a kid I loved water so much and wanted to be a mermaid, so I'd cover my feet with a pillowcase and legs with blankets, and flop around the floor singing, "Part of your world." 

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Now that I am older I still love water and still love mermaids, but am more into sharks. Dolphins, however, are nasty little buggers.

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You know you are too old to be cool when you receive a set of knives and spices as presents, and you are over-the-moon chuffed about it. You also shake your head and mutter, "Kids these days" when you see a teenager strutting through the streets with his pants hanging past his butt, exposing his boxers. 

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You know you are too young to be old when you still get carded at R-rated movies and clubs, because you have "such an innocent, baby face." Conversely, you still get the urge to stick your tongue out when in the middle of a heated debate. 

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When I was younger I listened to the music of Hanson, the Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, David Bowie, Fiona Apple, The Three Tenors, Braddah Iz, Hapa, 'Opihi Pickers, Pure Heart, Keali'i, Maria Callas, Leyla Gencer, Lea Salonga...and the Dawson's Creek soundtrack. Ad nauseum. My da got so sick of me playing Hanson's Middle of Nowhere CD (particularly MMMBop!) that he gave me $200 to throw it in the trash. I agreed, of course...and with that money I bought a new Hanson CD :oP 

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Because I'm now too old to be cool I still stubbornly cling to the last vestige of coolness in my antiquated bod and listen to the same music, plus P!nk, Shakira, Nickleback, A Fine Frenzy, Dashboard Confessional, Eva Cassidy, Cibo Matto, Mor ve Otesi, Sertab Erener, and Sezen Aksu. 

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On my last birthday an ex made me cry in a good way by showing up unexpectedly. I'd been moody and teary 'cos I thought he forgot. Not a greeting, not a sound! He also said he was going sailing. Anyhoo...he planned this whole shebang.About five of us went down Nantucket and had a mini sailing trip. After that, my momma and I had a mother-daughter bonding thing in CT. 

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The year before that my momma and I spent the day at (an AmerIndian) reservation. During lunch, I literally choked on my cake because the aforementioned ex showed up; he flew from Tokyo--where he works as a VP for his family's company--as a surprise for the weekend. The next day, some friends and I had dinner at Upstairs on the Square, then had drinks at Om. 

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On my next birthday I want to be in either Santorini (Greece), Capri/Ischia/Firenze (Italy), or Troy/Turkish Riviera (Turkey). Especially Troy, since "The Iliad" has such great personal meaning to me. 

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The best birthday present I ever got was , is, and will always be TIME. Presence, too. 

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The first time I felt grown up was when my momma and grandmother allowed me to "help" them with making Pinoy-style macaroni salad. I was about four, and my "job" was to mix the ingredients. Of course I ended up eating most of the cheese before they even got into the bowl, but I'll never forget that moment. It was also the moment I began to love cooking. 

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30

******i'm still in my late 20s, so there's still time ;oP******
***things i've done, have/had, and already know are in bold***

By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. ("Imagine going back to," however, does not mean "am going back to.")

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.

8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.


By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2. How you feel about having kids.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8. How to take control of your own birthday.

9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

15. Why they say life begins at 30.

200 THINGS OF HAVES AND HAVE NOTS

Meme courtesy of the lovely V. The ones in bold font are those I've done so far. 

1. Touched an iceberg 
2. Slept under the stars. (One of my favourite things to do!)
3. Been a part of a hockey fight. (Accidentally and off the ice. It was during a Beanpot championship, and my friends I were seated smack dab in between fans of rivals BU and BC.)
4. Changed a baby's diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a tarantula
10. Said "I love you" and meant it. (I mean it each and every time. Life's too short for insincerity, eh?)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

eh?

You are Strength

Courage, strength, fortitude. Power not arrested in the act of judgement, but passing on to further action, sometimes obstinacy.

This is a card of courage and energy. It represents both the Lion's hot, roaring energy, and the Maiden's steadfast will. The innocent Maiden is unafraid, undaunted, and indomitable. In some cards she opens the lion's mouth, in others she shuts it. Either way, she proves that inner strength is more powerful than raw physical strength. That forces can be controlled and used to score a victory is very close to the message of the Chariot, which might be why, in some decks, it is Justice that is card 8 instead of Strength. With strength you can control not only the situation, but yourself. It is a card about anger and impulse management, about creative answers, leadership and maintaining one's personal honor. It can also stand for a steadfast friend.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2009 in Review

I gained: a better sense of who I am, how strong I could be, and who loves me/is there for me unconditionally.

I lost: touch with someone I care about deeply. I made the decision to cut ties because you have to know your worth and should not be around people who constantly tell you you are broken, damaged, unclean, or unworthy. 

I stopped: giving a rat's ass whenever some feminists tell me that I am not really a feminist or a womanist because I enjoy cooking and keeping a clean house. The way I see it, feminism and womanism are about equality--affording women the same  choices, opportunities and rights as men. Cooking is just one of the many choices I make. Besides, by ascribing gender roles and defining a person by its attributes, isn't that going against the tenets of feminism and womanism?

I started: meditating and practicing capoeira again.

I was hugely satisfied by: the fact that Roman Polanski is finally going to pay for his crimes. For victims and survivors, rape is a shadow that lasts the length of a lifetime.

And frustrated by: seeing Jon Gosselin's mug on TV, magazines, and websites. Enough already!

I am so embarrassed that I: said I loved to eat food "değil preservative" to a Turkish chef. I meant to say that I prefer food that are made with fresh ingredients--no preservatives. Unfortunately, "preservative" in Turkish means condom. Yep, my Tarzan Turkish strikes again! 

Once again, I: bought more shoes that I absolutely need and am able to bring to Turkey (unless I pay exorbitant fees, which isn't the case).

Once again, I did not: complete my Master's thesis. Deep down, I know that I probably won't. However, I will definitely go back to graduate school--just to another program!

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is: about a foot and a half of hair. One night in March, I decided that I was through being defined by my hair, and I cut off ten inches in a non-climactic Britney move. Another four inches was cut off at the salon the next day, and I've had about 4-5 inches cut these past few months with regular trims.

The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is: my wanting solitude more. And I can actually go a week without my smart phone and laptop!

I loved spending time: wandering around in the vast expanse of nature. Mountains, lakes, seas, plains, fields...doesn't matter. This year I hiked, camped, fished, and sailed more than I have my entire life.

Why did I spend even two minutes: worrying about living up to someone else's expectations of who and what I should be?

I should have spent more time: creating more art and writing for fun. For the first part of the year, I was knee-deep in research, interviews, transcriptions, transliterations, and translations that I barely had time to write for fun. I also have a book proposal thing for one of my former professors that seems to have been neglected.

I regret buying: that Showtime Rotisserie by Ron Popeil. The little bugger BROKE after one use!

I will never regret buying ten boxes of large pizzas and distributing them to the homeless people around the square even though with that money I could have bought a nice pair of shoes or some Apple gadget. I can survive another day without luxuries, but how could I want to, when my fellow man is hungry for food and a little kindness?

I slept on the rain, car, bus, plane, etc. way too much.

I didn’t sleep on my own bed enough.

Reading about the state of Philippine politics drove me crazy. The current president and her predecessor, Joseph "Commander-in-Theft" Estrada are two PoS in a pod of corruption.

The most relaxing place I went was Pine Ridge Reservation. Being out in nature and speaking with elders give me a sense of peace.

Why did I attempt to shop for Christmas/Dia de los Tres Reyes presents on Black Friday?

The best thing I did for someone else was to drop everything, go on a 5-hour bus ride to another state, hold them for a couple of hours as they cried, and then rode another 5-hour bus ride home to make it in time for work the next day. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

The best thing I did for myself was to cut ties with someone who for years convinced me that I was damaged and broken (because of something that was not my fault).

The best thing someone did for me was to fly from another continent to spend my birthday with me.

The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better, is make Iskender Kebap.